- What is my reason to believe?
The seasonal changes give me a reason to believe. The black night gives me reason, whether it has millions of stars or whether it’s cloudy, blanketed, moonless, muffled.
Reasons to believe show up in almost everything, admittedly, I dont see everything in everyone. Lacking that insight, I guess. Watching people walk down the street, driving their cars, what wierd looking things we are! What possible reason on earth would we be here, except for Someone else’s decision?
Watch anything alive, that is young or new or just hatched, born, developed. It is a miracle that wasn’t engineered by man. (certainly man has engineered living things, and that’s another subject, another debate.) Watch a person die of a wasting/life eating disease, you will be certain that life exists, gives & takes joy and sadness, overwhelming grief.
Feel the insides of your soul darken, become numb, and stumble through your daily existance, while others thrive, are glad, succeed in their own right. It’s not jealousy that happens, but you my friend/reader, you, understand the other side of the reason to believe.
We dont always know the reason we should believe. Read, watch, listen to the news and there are scads of human beings worldwide, who cant see past their own grasping beliefs. They would rather destroy than build up. They would rather eradicate other lives than wonder/watch/ponder. Not ever enough room or freedom of thought for them to ponder.
This is my personal take on ‘stuff’ and so, what i witness, experience, bleed, isn’t the same as yours. I will talk about what I know. When my kids were babies, with wonder I watched them grow, at the beginning, it was so easy to see! Infants grow minute by minutes, right in front of your eyes! Life has power! My oldest was ahead of all of her milestones, an acheiver, one who wanted to do everything, anything, and was certain she could do it right. Why shouldn’t she believe that? I hope she still holds that in her heart.
My second child, had a rough go during gestation; a crackhead mom, who drank, smoked weed, and other unhealthy stuff. She came to me when she was 4 days old. Through her whole infancy, I could see the spark of interest, life, creativity, while I wondered wondered wondered what the hell was her diagnosis? No one knew the first few years. She was ‘unique’ (yeah, you really want to hear that with a special kid; it means ‘we dont know how to approach teaching her, we dont know what to do’ –good thing I figured it out! I didn’t need a degree, or a medical certificate or a box of labels.) I knew I had to believe in her and give her that same sense of belief and wonder, because it might be the only thing she would have for a while. I talked endlessly to her, showed her everything/anything, took her outdoors to sample all of the wonders of the earth, collected leaves, weeds, grasses, on the walks we took (she in her stroller, would bend down and grasp leaves, and hold them in her lap until we sat with a book and looked up the names) Alot of it with her was a struggle. I can see the stars in her, sometimes, when all the clouds part on occasion, and see the light shining through. Hope she carries it through her whole life- the clearing part, I mean. I want others to recognize it, too.
Both kids gave me a reason to believe; granted, I have faltered sometimes. Mostly, just figured that it was all to enormous for me to understand. www.hopefulcircus.wordpress.com